Where is the hickey?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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