I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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