You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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