I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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