matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
