he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The air taste purple.
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