the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
