Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
