guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
