Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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