Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
