I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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