I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
