I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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