i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
