I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
