Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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