And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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