so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
