a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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