OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
