I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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