Your face is a jimmy john
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You can't just leave with hair like that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
