this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
