The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
