I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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