i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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