guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
