Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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