He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
