I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
