I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
