Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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