I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
