so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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