we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
