You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
