If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
