My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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