take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
where am i from again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
