Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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