cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
In America we eat man semen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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