Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
