Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
