apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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