I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
