I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
