After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
