During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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