Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
