This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
