I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
