I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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