Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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