I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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